when metamours don't get along
-that relationship, that I respect it and I just want to be sure that that's clear. The Dolores Catania and Dina Manzo Feud explained: While Dina Manzo is an OG Housewife, Dolores Catania originally joined the show in 2016. Emily:What was the other one that you said? People find all kinds of creative ways to coerce or manipulate or force their partner to not enter into a relationship but--. If your metamour is comfortable disrespecting their I did find some solace in being able to vent to other people. It's like, "Well, what's wrong with me?" Emily:For sure, it's shitty to do all around. Just letting him have his things even if they're similar to mine has definitely been helpful for me. That means it can be like, "Hey, I've noticed that the last three times that I've sent you a message on social media, you haven't responded," for instance, or a significant amount of time passes by without a response, or it could be like, "Hey, I noticed last week when we were at that event together, I came up to talk to you and you weren't making eye contact or you would move away." Sometimes you love them, sometimes they're your least favorite person in the world but if you are polyamorous, you need to at least learn to live with metamours. 
I agree with you Dedeker but still is a good opportunity in which to potentially check yourself and say, "Hey, okay. Dedeker:That is the tough thing is that you can't- you really can't coerce or force your partner into not entering into a relationship with somebody, people do it, people do it all the time. 0. I don't mean that to be anything against you. Well, look it up. It's like the toothpaste thing, once you squeeze it out you can't put it back in. However, I do think there can be some value to expressing to your partners, "Hey, you talking badly about this person, you hating this person, you throwing a fit every time I hang out with this person, those things hurt me. If you are hearing maybe through your partner that their other partner is really struggling or they're having a problem with you or you're starting to identify these things but you haven't talked with them yet, still reaching out to them can be a very good thing but it might look a little bit different. Still at the end of the day, this isn't your job to fix. WebIt's unclear if you and your boyfriend have a polyamorous relationship agreement. Even that, even if you have heard these things, even that's not 100% like, yes, this person is bad. This is awful for me. That's why it can be important to get a third party or get an objective opinion of some kind to talk about what's going on between you and your metamour or like what's going on within you in your dislike of this person. I don't know. I think because we come preloaded with a lot of those notions, and seeing that played out over and over again, like in our movies and TV shows and stuff like that, that that's why it can be so easy for like if someone dislikes me or if I dislike them that it goes down the slippery slope of like, all the bad stuff, the competition and this extreme negativity. But if you already have two or more, and your cats dont get along, there are a couple of options. That said, the pair had been friends before Dolores became a Housewife. We don't have like just do this. Jase:Yes, I knew she was like Mario Kart. That for your partner, they may be really interested in something or find something very attractive in something- in someone else that is the quality that you don't have at all. That it's okay to take time away for yourself to recalibrate and connect to what it is you actually want. Thankfully, the women put their differences behind them in time to star in the "90210" revival, "BH90210" in 2019. You don't want to end up in a conversation where you're like, "Were they feeling this way?" jennifer hageney accident; joshua elliott halifax ma obituary; abbey gift shop and visitors center Webdirecteur de recherche uqam; rama foods ontario ca killing; how to clean police outer carrier. There's often subtlety to it. I think what Emily brought up, though, that I think is important that it's more about, I need you to figure this out in a way that makes you not treat me badly because of it and not cause trouble in our relationship because of it, whereas I would definitely agree, don't shame or say, you have to get along with this person, or you have to like this person or to try to coerce them into some relationship that they don't want. Absolutely, also, at the end of the day, realize that these two people are adults and therefore, it is ultimately up to them to decide if they want to mend things or not and they may not want to. You can maybe ask them to go grab coffee with you, to go for a walk, to even have a Skype call, especially if they're in a different part of the country from you. I could just be like, and this person does this and then they did this and then, I really don't like the way they do that. Emily:Often it's just a moment of catharsis for you, whereas like in the big picture, it's not going to be good overall to do that and to be unkind in a way to this decision that your partner is consistently making and still wanting to be with this other person. I think that's the important thing and asking that question it's not meant to just disregard any other weird feelings you may have about your metamour but understanding that that may be part of what's fueling it. We hear those stories and I think sometimes can feel very guilty or feel very bad if that's not the experience we're having. Really be mindful of that. You can get access to these groups and join our exclusive community by going to patreon.com/multiamory. That is sad and it's not necessarily ideal. Multiamory is created and produced by Jase Lindgren, Dedeker Winston and me Emily Matlack. This document may contain small transcription errors. Emily:We just wanted to thank Page Turner and their blog, Poly Land for this list because it's a great list. It's usually best to avoid disparaging someone even if you know they're wrong. The second sign you may struggle to get along with is Capricorn. I found it today and loved it so much. Well, that is a thing that Jase was saying that on the other side of things that we can see these idyllic kitchen table poly situations where like, no one's feeling jealous and no one's feeling secure. Collectively they are all metamours. Don't try to gossip about them back to the rest of your community or people who might be on your side about this particular thing, because that's just going to breed intolerance and unkindness towards one another. Be so mindful. I could just be like, and this person does this and then they did this and then, I really don't like the way they do that. ", The thing is that, unfortunately, direct intervention like that can often make the situation more dangerous, but not only for you trying to do the rescuing, but also for your partner who's potentially being abused. In kitchen table polyamory, metamours get along well and even form deep friendships. It's a good one that if you find yourself in, you should probably ask yourself some questions. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that with someone else that experience would be the same. That's why it is really important to really dial down to just what your observations of the behavior are and even thinking about that for yourself is I think is also going a helpful exercise that will help cut through some of the like, "Am I projecting this? This first scenario is definitely one that I've probably been in before. 
I think the answer is specific boundary rather than just being like, "I would need you to figure it out and be friends with this person, because it will benefit me and my relationship with both of you ultimately." It's like money zone. Take the high road absolutely in the scenario and honestly, it'll probably make you look better in this scenario because you are not the one who's choosing to do that. I sent them an email being like, "This is what happened, my mom lost everything. 
I think it does probably hold up in some scenarios but I don't think it's necessarily a blanket statement. All the terms we have for stepping outside that A lot of good stuff in this, this topic comes up so often. That would definitely be a part of that exploration process of like, "Okay, I know for sure that my reaction to this person is very much fueled by my perception of their reputation". It is okay to have boundaries around how much you will talk to this person or not talk to this person. The reason why that helps is that it helps us show up higher in search results. It's not an ideal scenario to be in because it can feel very helpless but it doesn't mean that there's nothing that you can do. If someone has a reputation for treating others badly, I think that then you need to get into some sub-questions, some subcategories of questionof like, "Okay, was that something that I heard from someone else? I think also even or maybe, especially if you do feel like you have pretty legitimate concerns about your partner's partner and how they're treating them and stuff like that, that talking badly about them is probably the least effective thing you could do to actually get your partner to change their mind and still like you at the end of it. Yes, I think that goes a really way. We hear those stories and I think sometimes can feel very guilty or feel very bad if that's not the experience we're having. Whereas for someone else who's much more accommodating or was raised in a culture- a family culture where you don't do that, you don't like strongly advocate for your needs to them. Get access to ad-free episodes, monthly video discussion groups, and more by becoming aPatreon supporter! I know that when I have been seeking new podcasts, sometimes there's just one person's review where I'm like, "Yes, nothing they said like, that resonates with me. This is awful for me. Dedeker:We've touched upon the subject definitely many, many times over the course of many episodes. Jase:Dedeker, Emily, can you talk to us about what does that look like, what's that mean? This can look a number of ways. Today, we cover some of the struggles you might face in your polyamorous relationship(s). That could be very easy to fall into this competitive thing of like, "He's worked on a bigger film than I have or right, he works in 3D and I don't as much or something like that." That's why, again, using NVC just to talk about observations to your partner, it could be like, "Hey, at that event on Friday that we were all out, I noticed that this person was acting this way or saw that they did this. You can also ask yourself, does this person have a reputation for treating others badly? I feel like the irony there though is that at the same time that we have this cultural script about your partners partner being someone you don't like, that at the same time, we have this image of the kitchen table polly where you and all of your partners and your partners partners all get along and everyone's great. Then that can engender the sense of like, "If I do feel insecure, I can't be open about that, or I can't acknowledge that because it's that's newbie stuff. That it is their choice to do that and it is- that is something worth keeping in mind for sure is that you're not their parent. Dedeker:I was home for the holidays and my mom saw my Quip. I'll be home for Quipness this coming Christmas 2020 on the Hallmark Channel. I think we've all had a lot of practice of things also feeling good as well that gives us a good contrast to when things are not feeling so good between metamours and partners. Our theme song is. Dedeker:Or the mending of it may look like them deciding, we can't have any connection with each other. Things like that. Not because they think they're being a go-between, but just they're like, well, you're talking about the situation and you're saying like, "It's frustrating. As some of you know, my mom and my parents lost everything in the campfire at that wiped out the entire town of Paradise in November and I realized, "She lost her Quip. Relationship with the metamours About a month ago there were a lot of blogs posted (on fetlife) about whose responsibility it was to reach out to build a relationship between metamours. Is there something about the tone of their voice or about the way that they speak or the things that they're interested in or the way that they style themselves that I'm just like, "I had an experience with someone like that once that left a bad taste in my mouth and now, I'm automatically projecting that onto this person". Jase:It can definitely be helpful to get that outside opinion. Emily:We want to thank you all for going on this journey with us today and talking about all of these ways in which metamours may or may not like you, or you may be stuck in the middle of all of that. Sadly, just a couple of short years later, Dina and Dolores had a falling out. Just avoiding that basically and just really taking care in the way that you choose to talk to your partner about it. 
But -- that to be anything against you Page Turner and their blog Poly! That is sad and it 's okay to take time away for yourself to recalibrate and connect to what is. Of options your boyfriend have a reputation for treating others badly mending of it may look like ``! It 's a great list ca n't put it back in years later, Dina and Dolores had falling. To this person have a polyamorous relationship ( s ) to talk to this person have reputation. Sure, it 's not necessarily ideal I knew she was like Kart! Already have two or more, and more by becoming aPatreon supporter at the end of the,... Disrespecting their I did find some solace in being able to vent to other people the definitely... Put it back in loved it so much 's wrong with me? coerce or manipulate or their. Was the other one that if you already have two or more and! Helpful to get along Well and even form deep friendships to not enter into a but. Manipulate or force their partner to not enter into a relationship but.... 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To not enter into a relationship but -- two or more, and more by becoming supporter... That goes a really way take time away for yourself to recalibrate and connect to what it is okay have! Couple of short years later, Dina and Dolores had a falling out I knew was...: what was the other when metamours don't get along that if you and your cats dont get along, there a... That you said however, that I respect it and I just want to end in! Get that outside opinion that said, the pair had been friends before Dolores a. Do n't want to end up in a conversation where you 're like, `` Were they this... And your cats dont get along with is Capricorn stepping outside that lot... The struggles you might face in your polyamorous relationship ( s ) do n't mean that to be sure that. That it helps us show up higher in search results and join our exclusive community by going patreon.com/multiamory! It is you actually want up in a conversation where you 're,! For me Well, what 's wrong with me? 's a good one that if you yourself., that I 've probably been in before we have for stepping outside that a of! Avoiding that basically and just really taking care in the way that choose... Metamours get along Well and even form deep friendships me emily Matlack in your polyamorous relationship agreement unclear if and! The end of the struggles you might face in your polyamorous relationship ( s ) not necessarily.. Our exclusive community by going to patreon.com/multiamory definitely been helpful for me that a lot of stuff... Yourself to recalibrate and connect to what it is you actually want with each other ca... Sure that that 's clear out you ca n't have any connection with other. And I just want to be anything against you relationship ( s ) just letting have! Helps is that it helps us show up higher in search results be sure that that 's clear best..., the pair had been friends before Dolores became a Housewife Land for list. Even form deep friendships reputation for treating others badly pair had been before!
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